...

Why did you just quote all that?

Because I fail.

old

I never had a doubt...

*Hugs*

{{{hugz}}}

This will be hard for you all.

It doesn't feel shallow, it made you realize that your life isn't over.

Good luck with all you still have to deal with.

And remember, like Pock said, we are all right here.

old

It's not shallow, and it may be part of your grieving process. Grieving for the loss of a relationship happens differently for everyone.

Glad you were able to make the decision, and hope this next month goes as smoothly as possible for you!

I married at 20, divorced at 23. I did the teeter-totter thing for a long time before I realized that I had made my decision to end the relationship a long time before I had the balls to actually follow thru with it. It's a scary f*cking thing, and nothing no one will say can make you feel better. Giving up the life you know for something completely unknown is horribly frightening. But in the end it's almost always the best. Your thoughts and doubts about her wont ever magically go away. Things wont just get better with time.

You're the only one who can make the decision but the old saying is so very true... people who ask for advice know the right answer, they just don't want to accept it.

Best of luck, I hope in the end you find peace and happiness.

old

Best of luck, Clans. Here's to a new beginning. (you can't see it, but I just cracked open a beer and toasted you)

I've been in the situation of having a delay between the break up and the move out. It's awkward, certainly. Painful, definitely.

But also, in the grand scheme of things, over soon.

The one piece of advice that I can really give you here (and it's probably something that's already occured to you) is to be as civil as you can.

The time will go a lot quicker if you're not snapping and fighting.

Of course, you'll have moments where it doesn't go according to plan, where you can't bite your tongue and you let something slip. That's unavoidable.

In the long term it will feel better than the brief satisfaction you'd get, too.

Clans, one thing I can say about my divorce is, even after all the s**t he put me through, like you the love was gone.

But, for me it was more of an adjustment to being single again. I didn't miss him, he destroyed all that, I just missed knowing that there was someone waiting for me at home. I've always been very independent, I'm quite content at times being alone, but you will go through the adjustment period of ending a life as a couple, a family, and starting a new life once again, single. It didn't take me long to hit my stride and get over being a couple and just being content in making my way on my own.

I wish you the BEST of luck. You are in for a rollercoaster ride, but know that we are here for you, anytime.

One thing I will add is, I am certain my ex (who has my children) is pissed that I filed and decided to end it.

Even after we split, he would buy me little gifts to send over with the kids, want me to make paprikash and come over and have dinner and I did not want to send him or the children, any mixed messages on things working out. After all, he was heavily dating the mistress.

When our horse had to be put down a few years ago, he called me up and said he was "very upset with me" that I wasn't there with him to see everything thru to the finish. We picked her out, she gave us some beautiful foals.

He did marry his mistress, who now is the mommy figure in the house. It is very tough stuff.

While you are in house together, if you cannot play nice in front of your daughter, keep your thoughts to yourself. The kids just don't need to hear it.

And give her a flexible and generous visitation schedule. I have lost so much time with my kids due to him cancelling on me. I don't have the cash to take him back to court and he has me over a barrel.

All it does is hurt the kids.

Like it or not, she is your daughters mother and she loves her, no matter what you and her have been thru.

My first ex (my adult childrens father) and I get along famously. We email, joke around and even hug each other goodbye.We ate dinner together with both sides of our families when my oldest graduated bootcamp.

When our grandson was born a few wks ago, it was yet another event I didn't cringe and wonder how uncomfortable it would be with my ex there. My kids don't worry about it either.

I dread my younger two getting older and having to go thru their lives with the apprehension and anger my ex still holds for what we lost.

Getting along can happen if you give it time and both are open to it.

old

Wishing you the best of a bad situation Clans...things will get better over time, IF you let them. My advice to you is to let them.

And as TM said, please don't bad mouth Madison's mom to her. None of this is Maddie's fault or desire...don't make it worse by giving her bad thoughts about her mommy.

It happens, and I am sorry you had to go through that. Hope for the best,and take care of Madison.

Ditto. Coors Light.

Hi...
I'm new to this whole thing. I actually found this thread by accident, but I read it and was so moved by your situation that I felt like I just had to comment.

I know it is a bit late to answer you considering you posted like 2 weeks ago, but I have a few thoughts.

It's probably irrelevant but I somewhat recently (6 months ago) went through an incredibly similar situation. Since she can't move out until the end of the month, I have some small tidbits of advice for you:

1. Try to stay civil - I know it was already said, but it's important enough to say again.

2. When things are going ok, or at least not bad, or maybe even well, remember how much she hurt you. Remember that you f**ked a guy's face up (props, by the way) and instead of rejoicing the rest of the day, you cried. It will hurt and probably anger you, but it is necessary.
Before you go thinking I'm insane or high or something, I tell you this from my own experience. Why do you need to remember that? For yours and Madison's sanity. I don't know how old your daughter is, but regardless of her age she needs to see what a healthy romantic relationship is. If you get wishy-washy about your decision to split (don't know that you will, only that I did) just because things are civil or even nice or because the sex rocks, you will be shortchanging your daughter.

3. It REALLY surprised me that nobody else said this:
If Madison were older and had a husband who did to her what Jen did to you, what would you hope she would do? Keep that in mind. If you wouldn't want it for your little girl, you probably don't really want it for you.

4. You said sex was very important to you... you've probably already done so, but just in case, stop having sex with her! It only muddies the waters. For the rest of October, just consider her a transient sleeping on your couch.

5. If you pursue it hard and long enough, you can get full custody of your daughter, especially if you make the bigger (or only) paycheck.

This one is just a random PS... If you want to find sex that's just as good as the hot breakup or "trying to make up" sex, find yourself a smart girl. It's been proven that (on average) they're better in bed than even gymnasts. And more likely to agree to a one-night-stand if you explain ahead of time what you're looking for.

Sorry it's such a long comment... I had a lot to say, lol. Ok, rant over. You and your daughter will be in my thoughts. Best to both of you.